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Chariot
February 2007 -
Norm Wakefield Would you share how God led you to officially call out your son? I'm adding an appendix for fathers in a new book entitled "Walking Worthy as Fathers". I would like to include ideas from fathers who have had "calling out" ceremonies with their sons. What did you do? Would you mind sharing those ideas with us in an email? Many fathers may be encouraged by how God led you. Thank you for being a part of The Spirit of Elijah Ministries! The
Affirmation of Daughters - Part 1 Much
of what has been discussed about the calling out of sons also applies to
daughters. They need the same ministry of a forerunner as sons do.
Daughters must confront the issues of selfishness as well. Although
daughters usually look to moms as role models, perhaps you may be
surprised to learn that daughters look to their fathers for affirmation of
womanhood. The Challenge
Godly womanhood has been under tremendous attack since Eve fell for
Satan's enticement. Every father faces a daunting challenge in raising a
daughter to embrace her femininity, to maintain thoughtful standards of
dress and conduct, to rejoice in her design as a woman, and to instill
hope in her that she can trust God for a husband who won't use her. What a
challenge!
Women are prime targets of the media. Gene Veith, a senior writer
for World Magazine, wrote this, "Female
consumers are calling the shots. Movie students have realized that the
so-called ‘chick-flicks' – films about love and relationships – are
where the real money is. The fact is, about the only people today
practicing the ostensibly masculinist arts of hardball politics and the
aggressive use of power are feminists. This is not a role reversal, but sensibility
reversal. Men still occupy the positions of power, but they are acting
more like women were always supposed to. Women are changing the workplace
and the entertainment industry, but they are having to fill the gender
vacuum by also acting like men." This raises a question: What role models
are there for our daughters? There are very few prominent women to whom we
can point and say to our daughters, "Follow her." What's a father to do
with a daughter? Daughters loo
When it comes to affirming womanhood, dad is the man with the
answers to these questions: "Am I suitable as a woman? Am I the type of
woman that is going to attract men?" Unfortunately, they usually don't ask
those questions verbally. They expect us to read their minds, I guess,
much like our wives often do. J
We teach them in numerous small ways. For instance, I remember
going to the grocery store when my daughters were young. They watched my
eyes in the checkout line. The kind of people to whom I was attracted didn't
miss their careful observation. During my early years as a father I didn't
realize what was happening. They were looking to me for the affirmation of
womanhood. Was womanhood defined by immodest dress? Was the sensual look
of advertisements and billboards the kind of woman I affirmed? It was my
goal to instead affirm that my wife was the woman of my life.
One day when I was pumping the gas I had another opportunity to
affirm godly womanhood or really blow it. The family was in the van. A
young un-lady pulled up to the next bay, but she wasn't there to get gas
only, she was there to get the attention of men. I happened to be the
nearest one. I was conscious of her presence, but the Holy Spirit checked
me, "Don't give her a glance." So I kept pumping the gas and focused on
the Lord as my fullness and my heart's satisfaction.
As I got back in the car, Alma, my wife, held her thumb up and
encouraged me, "Way to go, Norm!" She then told me about the girl in the
next bay. She was flaunting and flirting, trying to get my attention. As
she went over to pay for the gas, she looked at me attempting to get me to
look at her. Alma said she was intent on attracting me.
I wondered why I was the target and not the other men in the station. My
wife's reply was insightful, "It's because you wouldn't look. You were
making her mad." She said it was obvious.
Furthermore, "Abby and Alyssa (my daughters) and I were watching you to
see if you were going to affirm
her. Way to go, Norm. You didn't." I wasn't the only target. My daughters
were also!
I had to say, "Way to go Holy Spirit!" The flesh
would take a look, but it's the Spirit of God, the Son of God,
inside us who guides and keeps us. I give Him the glory. My point is:
daughters look to fathers for the affirmation of womanhood. Had I given a
sustained look at that girl, I would not only have affirmed her brand of
womanhood, I would have communicated the wrong message to my daughters.
My guess is the girl at the gas station craved attention from boys
from the time she was twelve or thirteen years old, unaware she needed her
father to fulfill that need in her life. Her father probably didn't
understand his calling as her father either. As a result he neglected her,
and she sought acceptance, approval, and affirmation from boys and later
other men.
Imagine a fifteen-year-old girl preparing for her first date with a
boy. She doesn't know what her daddy knows about boys. She also doesn't
know if she's going to be acceptable and approved of, which is what she thinks
she needs most. In fact, that's probably why she's flirted with him.
But if her daddy's been too busy to notice her or deal with these things,
then he's out of touch with the consuming nature of the question: Am I the
kind of woman of which men approve? In fact, he may even think it's a good
thing for his daughter to be out on a date, and then he may do as he
wishes. He doesn't have to spend his
time building a relationship with her. You can see catastrophe coming, can't
you? There are plenty of young men who would like to define womanhood for
a girl: a man likes a woman who will let him use her to satisfy his
desires and ambitions.
What's going on in the daughter's heart and mind? She wants to know
if she's acceptable, and she's drawn first to her dad for an answer. Her
surface questions mask the big question and that is, "Am I becoming a woman that is okay to
dad? Am I becoming a woman that is pleasing and acceptable to him? Am I
prepared for life?" Instead she may ask questions such as:
"Dad, is my make-up all
right? Is this the way I ought to dress? Is my hair okay?" She may not
even verbalize the questions. She may simply dress like other girls her
age to see if her dad cares or notices. If her dad says nothing, she
deduces that she is acceptable or may do as she wishes. However, it's more
likely she'll muse, "Perhaps some other man will tell me what it's like to
be a woman."
First Corinthians 7:36-38 indicates that daughters are under the
authority of their fathers when it comes to marriage. It presupposes they
follow their fathers' lead also in preparation for marriage.
But if any man thinks that he is acting unbecomingly toward his virgin
daughter, if she is past her youth, and if it must be so, let him do what
he wishes, he does not sin; let her marry. But he who stands firm in his
heart, being under no constraint, but has authority over his own will, and
has decided this in his own heart, to keep his own virgin daughter, he
will do well. So then both he who gives his own virgin daughter in
marriage does well, and he who does not give her in marriage will do
better. David
Blankenhorn, author of A Fatherless America, provides this rich insight. "A father plays a
distinctive role in shaping a daughter's sexual style and her
understanding of the male-female bond. A father's love and involvement
builds a daughter's confidence in her own femininity and contributes to
her sense that she is worth loving. This sense of love-worthiness gives
young women a greater sense of autonomy and independence in later
relationships with men. Consequently, women who have had good
relationships with their fathers are less likely to engage in an anxious
quest for male approval or to seek male affections through promiscuous
sexual behavior."2 Well said, and hopefully well-heeded. Don't forget your wives as daughters
There is another daughter in your home who also needs this ministry
from you; your wife. Chances are slim that your wife's father affirmed her
as a woman. She probably looked to other men, and you were one in a string
of relationships from whom she sought affirmation. She may still be
searching! On the other hand, her father may have affirmed her, but now
she is taking her cues from you. If she is secure and assured of your
love, she should dress, behave, and adopt your values with regard to godly
womanhood.
Men, our responsibility and God-given privilege with the women in
our homes are to clearly define and adamantly affirm godly womanhood. Next
month we'll begin considering eight ways to affirm womanhood for the glory
of God. Personal Application 1.
Ask your wife about her experience with her father. What did she
learn about womanhood from him indirectly and directly? Inquire as to
whether she felt affirmed in her femininity or if she felt the need to be
affirmed by men. What impact has that had on your relationship? 2.
Ask your wife what ways she wishes her father would have affirmed
her as a teen. 3.
Pray and ask the Holy Spirit to give you wisdom in communicating to
your daughter the blessing of being a woman who lives according to God's
Word and ways. Would
you like to be on the Elijah Ministries Prayer Team? The backbone of Elijah Ministries is the prayer team who
pray diligently for God to turn the hearts of men to Himself, their
wives, and their children. Before I leave to speak, I send out a prayer
team invitation to those who will intercede for God to work for His
glory in us as a team for the Kingdom. Not only is it a blessing to
those whom I speak and myself; but it is also a reminder to the team
about the direction of their own hearts. If you would like to enter into
the labor together with me, you may go to my website and click on "Prayer
Team".
If you haven't visited our website, www.spiritofelijah.com,
please stop by sometime. You'll find: * Resources to equip you and your family * Previous Chariot articles * Norm's speaking schedule *
Free MP3 downloads * Various pages translated and available in Spanish * An online store to purchase resources and make tax-free contributions by credit card
The article above is a part of the Equipping Men series. The series is available on both audio cassette, CD, VHS and DVD. This and other resources, including all past issues of the Chariot, are available at http://www.spiritofelijah.com.
I invite you to be a part of the
moving of the Spirit of Elijah in your church, community, and the world.
How?
1.
Send this article to other men or families that you know would
benefit from it. You might inform them of the previous articles
available on-line at our website.
2.
Share resources from the Spirit of Elijah Ministries with others.
If Equipping Men or Rising to the
Call have been a blessing to you, then you know it will be
beneficial to others. Either share your resources, tell them about the
resources, or purchase a set or two as an investment in their lives. 3. Share with others what you have learned and put into practice in turning your heart to God, your wife, and your children. If God has done this in you, then He wants to affect others through you.
4.
Join the Elijah Ministries email prayer team and make
intercession for others that their hearts would be turned in revival to
the Lord, their wives, and their children. This can be done on-line at www.spiritofelijah.com.
Norm
Wakefield 02.07
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