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Chariot
March 2007 -
Norm Wakefield A new reprint of Norm's book "Equipped to Love" is now available. It has been re-edited and formatted to make for an easier read and also has a new book cover. You can see the new cover and order the new reprint of the book here. The
Affirmation of Daughters - Part 2
A father's ministry to his daughters may be very powerful because
they look to dad for affirmation of womanhood. As girls enter their early
teen years, they need their fathers to answer questions like these: "Am I
becoming a woman that is pleasing and acceptable? Am I prepared for life?"
I don't want to present myself as knowing everything about
affirming godly womanhood, but here are some of the important lessons I've
learned as I sought to encourage my three daughters. I'd like to share
nine ways a father can affirm godly womanhood in your daughters. Daily
expression of non-sexual love and affection
Giving a daily expression of non-sexual love and affection to your
wife first and then to your daughters communicates to the daughter that
being a woman is more than just being a sex object. The world's message to
men is that women are to be used for sexual pleasure, and women who hear
that message may be tempted to reject womanhood. What do I mean by
non-sexual affection? A back rub, quick kiss, side-to-side hug, or a brief
holding of the hand can send the messages, "I love you. I cherish you as a
person. I like being near you. You're special to me. I like the fact that
you're a woman." When a father communicates such messages through
non-sexual affection, a daughter usually draws this conclusion: "It's a
good thing to be a woman! To be cared for and cherished like that is a
wonderful thing."
However, a warning needs to be
sounded. I've witnessed fathers, who because of a bad relationship with
their wives, ignore their wives and show affection to their daughters.
This can be very destructive. When this occurs, we communicate just the
opposite, "It's not a good thing to be a woman. It's just someone to be
used." Consequently, the wife and the daughters may disrespect the man.
That's why it is important to show non-sexual affection to your wife first
and then your daughters. Servanthood and protection
A second way to affirm godly womanhood is by providing an example of servanthood and
protection to your wife and daughters. Consider the message you present
when you treat your wife as a weaker vessel (1 Peter 3:7) and serve her.
As you protect and care for her in the presence of your daughters, you are
honoring womanhood. You communicate to your daughter by the way you treat
her mother that it's great to be a woman. Being a woman is worthy of
honor, protection, and understanding.
In contrast, if you expect your wife and daughters to serve you while
you kick back and watch TV or read the newspaper, you are communicating
the opposite message about womanhood, a negative message. Such a father
shouldn't be surprised if his daughter concludes: "It's a lousy thing to
be a woman. You have to be a slave. Who wants to grow up to be a slave?"
You're daughters are not going to embrace godly womanhood and femininity.
You might wonder: What about the Bible teaching a woman to be the
helpmeet of the man? It sounds like you are teaching that the man is the
helpmeet to the woman. Of course, that is not my point. Being a loving
servant to others is a privilege. Jesus taught servanthood as a quality of
greatness. As you serve them out of love with the purpose of communicating
honor and humility, you exalt womanhood in their eyes and
give them an example to follow. Accept God's design
A third way you can affirm your
daughters in godly womanhood is to lead your daughter to accept and
rejoice in God's design for her as a woman. She needs to be encouraged to
see every aspect of her life as a gift from God to produce humility and to
build dependence upon Jesus Christ. This is especially important when the
world over-emphasizes the value of exterior beauty. Solomon, the wisest
man in history recorded this proverb: Charm is deceitful and beauty is
vain, but a woman who fears the Lord, she shall be praised (Proverbs
31:30). Man looks on the outward appearance, but God looks inward. Our
daughters need to be taught this vital lesson repeatedly.
Very few women can meet the "Barbie"
standard promoted by the world system. Women living under the constant
comparison to glossy, air-brushed, digitally-enhanced models in magazines
and on billboards may be tempted to reject womanhood and femininity
altogether. Thinking outward beauty is the ultimate value of a woman may
lead some to reject God's design. Most (if not all) women have blemishes
and defects. Some girls deal with small things like acne, while others
face disfigurement or significant physical handicaps. Fathers, our
daughters need to be encouraged to accept God's design for them as women
and the defects and afflictions He has allowed.
We should not be surprised if
women in the world reject God's design for womanhood. What dictates every
day in the life of a woman? The womb. Her cycle. For 30-40 years her life
is affected daily by her design. God speaks through design. The womb has a
designed purpose: motherhood. Consider the number of children who have
been either cut off or destroyed due to the rejection of God's design. To
accept and embrace their design as a woman is to embrace motherhood also
in most cases. Therefore, we want to be sure to honor every aspect of
motherhood. So that makes our relationship with their mothers important.
As we honor motherhood, we're affirming godly womanhood in our daughters.
Our daughters were not made males.
The feminist influence in our western culture actually encourages young
girls to be more boy-like in both dress and activity. The quest of the
feminists to have the same sports for both boys and girls has led many
young girls down a path that rejects their womanhood. Many young women
have hormonal maladies, sterility, and other problems due to the stress
and strain of competitive sports in their teen years. I'm not saying girls
shouldn't play sports, but I am sounding a caution about some sports and
the frequency of participation. God made men and women different, and
those differences cannot be rejected with impunity. To allow our daughters
to participate in many sporting activities so they can gain our approval
may be disastrous later on. They need to be affirmed as women according to
their design rather than encourage them to become like males for
affirmation from their fathers.
Bill Gothard, in his Basic Life
Principles, mentions ten unchangeables. Although we need to lead both our
sons and daughters to embrace these unchangeables, I mention them here for
application to your daughters. The unchangeables are: ·
Your parents. ·
Your time in history. ·
Your racial background. ·
Your national heritage. ·
Your gender. ·
Your birth order. ·
Your brothers and sisters. ·
Your physical features. ·
Your mental abilities. ·
Aging and death.
Regardless of how much we want to
change them, they're not going to change. Some of the above are more
specifically applied to our daughters such as physical features. Some
would say that if you can help your appearance, then help it! And to a
degree, I agree. But the important thing is to help your daughter embrace
what God has designed her to be.
How do you help the daughter who
is homely looking, has a severe handicap, is naturally overweight,
academically challenged, or has a glaring scar? I encourage you to lead
her to accept her deficiency or handicap as God's gift to produce
humility. God intends them to look to Christ rather than to the flesh for
satisfaction in life. You might say something like this, "God gave you
that _____ so you would depend on Him to bring you that husband instead of
depending on your beauty. Why, you're so beautiful that, if He hadn't
allowed the _____, you'd trust in your beauty. God teaches us that beauty
is vain, meaning it can't be relied upon. Did you know that the most
beautiful women are often the most insecure women? They rarely know if men
really care for them because of who they are as persons or just because of
their beauty. They know their beauty is going to fade, so they live afraid
of being rejected when that happens. As they walk in their world and
notice turning heads, they know it's not because of their upright
character. They know most of the guys looking at them are wolves looking
to use them. Many beautiful girls even reject that part of their design
and try to look ugly! Can you imagine that? God wants you to find your
security in Him and focus on your inner beauty, which will attract the man
of your dreams. Your inner beauty will never fade away; in fact, it
becomes more beautiful with age. Let's thank God for giving you this gift
that leads you to draw near to Him and hold fast to His care."
You may have a daughter who is
extremely good-looking–in the world's eyes. You may find it more
difficult to teach her to accept God's design. Being used as eye candy as
she's growing up may cause a lot of pain and self-rejection. She may
wonder why God made her that way. In fact, she may say, "I wish I had a
big scar or something so guys wouldn't use me all the time! I just want to
be loved for me!" The only way you can affirm her in her womanhood is to
say, "God has given you this design as a gift to lead you to depend upon
Him, to not look at other people, to just look at Him. It's to encourage
you in your relationship with Jesus. He will never let you down, and He
will guide you to the man who will not use you, but love you." Practical Application
These first
three ways to affirm womanhood may be immediately applied to your
daughters. Why not try affirming them today? Here are some suggestions. 1.
In front
of your children, hug your wife and tell her how special she is to you and
how blessed you are to have her for your wife. Then do the same with your
daughters. Watch their reactions. If you haven't done this in a long time,
they might wonder what you're up to! So make it a regular thing. Do it
everyday this next week. 2.
Look for
ways to serve your wife in front of your daughters. Remember, you're not
serving her to get anything; you're giving it as a gift to encourage her
and your daughters. Thank your wife for the ways she serves you in a
public way in your home. 3.
During
your family time, have each person think of the unchangeable things about
their bodies that they need to accept. Then lead them to thank God, in
humility, for those things. Any other ideas?
I would love to hear from some of you fathers out there who have
some more ideas about how to affirm godly womanhood in daughters. Perhaps
some stories about how you have encouraged your daughters to godly
womanhood would be helpful also. May God make us faithful stewards of the
precious gifts He has given us: our daughters! Would
you like to be on the Elijah Ministries Prayer Team? The backbone of Elijah Ministries is the prayer team who
pray diligently for God to turn the hearts of men to Himself, their
wives, and their children. Before I leave to speak, I send out a prayer
team invitation to those who will intercede for God to work for His
glory in us as a team for the Kingdom. Not only is it a blessing to
those whom I speak and myself; but it is also a reminder to the team
about the direction of their own hearts. If you would like to enter into
the labor together with me, you may go to my website and click on "Prayer
Team".
If you haven't visited our website, www.spiritofelijah.com,
please stop by sometime. You'll find: * Resources to equip you and your family * Previous Chariot articles * Norm's speaking schedule *
Free MP3 downloads * Various pages translated and available in Spanish * An online store to purchase resources and make tax-free contributions by credit card
The article above is a part of the Equipping Men series. The series is available on both audio cassette, CD, VHS and DVD. This and other resources, including all past issues of the Chariot, are available at http://www.spiritofelijah.com.
I invite you to be a part of the
moving of the Spirit of Elijah in your church, community, and the world.
How?
1.
Send this article to other men or families that you know would
benefit from it. You might inform them of the previous articles
available on-line at our website.
2.
Share resources from the Spirit of Elijah Ministries with others.
If Equipping Men or Rising to the
Call have been a blessing to you, then you know it will be
beneficial to others. Either share your resources, tell them about the
resources, or purchase a set or two as an investment in their lives. 3. Share with others what you have learned and put into practice in turning your heart to God, your wife, and your children. If God has done this in you, then He wants to affect others through you.
4.
Join the Elijah Ministries email prayer team and make
intercession for others that their hearts would be turned in revival to
the Lord, their wives, and their children. This can be done on-line at www.spiritofelijah.com.
Norm
Wakefield 03.07
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