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Chariot
April 2007 -
Norm Wakefield All DVD sets are 25-30% on sale on our website now. You can find them here. The
Affirmation of Daughters - Part 3
Daughters are special gifts from God. Affirming womanhood for
daughters is a special gift fathers can give. Without such affirmation,
daughters go into adulthood crippled and vulnerable. This is the third
article on how fathers can affirm womanhood for their daughters. The
previous articles may be found on our website at www.spiritofelijah.com/chariot.
Thus far I've suggested that fathers affirm godly womanhood by… ·
Giving a
daily expression of non-sexual affection. ·
Providing
a rich example of servanthood and protection. ·
Encouraging
them to accept the way God designed them. Model
personal relationship with God through Jesus Christ
A father's daily demonstration of a personal relationship with God
through Jesus Christ has a powerful impact on his daughter. Without
realizing it, a father may fail to affirm to his daughter that Jesus
Christ is the source of life by keeping his personal devotion and
relationship with Christ private. Daughters need to see their dads reading
their Bibles, praying, and living in the heavenlies. Otherwise, they may
conclude that life comes from working, amassing material possessions, or
from earthly relationships.
What do you think happens when a daughter observes her father
seeking happiness, significance, and his identity from his wife instead of
Jesus Christ? She may be led to believe that womanhood and femininity are
objects to be used by men. For instance, if a father expresses displeasure
when his wife doesn't make him happy and comfortable, he's communicating a
powerful negative message about womanhood: womanhood bears the burden of
keeping men happy and satisfied. As a result, a daughter may reject
womanhood.
When a father demonstrates daily that relationship with God is the
source of his joy, contentment, and identity, his daughter may be greatly
encouraged about womanhood. When a daughter is free from thinking that womanhood entails
bearing the weight of being a goddess to men, ideas about godly womanhood
may be more easily cultivated. Furthermore, having a relationship with
God, through Jesus Christ, is attractive to her. She'll want to draw her
life from God, through Christ as she's seen her father do. And when she
does, she'll discover godly womanhood as the Holy Spirit guides her. He will lead her to discover the joys of being a woman. Redeem
your faults, weaknesses, and mistakes
This may seem like a strange way to affirm godly womanhood so let
me explain. When a father admits his failures, weaknesses, and mistakes he
helps his daughter see that men cannot be a source of security and
happiness. This is extremely important if the "Daddy-God idol" is to be
destroyed. Gordon Dalbey, author of "Healing of the Masculine Soul,"
referred to the temptation for daughters to make idols of their fathers.
It may be the first step to a lifetime of idol-worship of men. It's
natural for daughters to look to dad for protection, security, and
affirmation. The danger lies in fostering the idea that she should find a "white
knight" to satisfy her need for love, security, and happiness–someone
who can be like her father.
Such worship of fathers can lead to dysfunctional relationships. A
woman who had been abused by her father couldn't bring herself to blame
her dad for his advances to her. Rather than confront the disappointment
in her father and find blame with his actions, she rationalized that she
must have been at fault. She was angry, hurt, and defiled, but protected
her dad at all costs. Most women who have such an unhealthy view of their
fathers also have an unhealthy view of womanhood. The idolatry of fathers
usually leads to idolatry of men. How can such idolatry be prevented?
That's where your failures, weaknesses, and mistakes come in handy.
As you make mistakes, God may be giving you an opportunity to teach your
daughter that no man can satisfy her need for love, security, and
happiness. God alone in Christ is the source. For instance, God may leave
you to yourself for the purpose of destroying the "Daddy-God idol". I've
made many mistakes raising my daughters. My initial reaction was to defend
myself–another mistake. Later I realized those mistakes could be used
for good purposes: to affirm my daughters in their womanhood. How does
admitting my guilt and failures affirm womanhood for my daughters?
Daughters need to learn that no man can ever be their ‘god'. God
never intended for a man to be the source for life, acceptance, and
protection. Only God can do that. Although fathers may be agents of God's
goodness and kindness, and of course, should certainly strive to be,
sometimes they fail. Through the failures of their fathers, daughters may
realize the importance of looking to God instead of a man for their
spiritual, emotional, and physical needs. Life
Examples
Pastor Jim deeply disappointed his fifteen-year-old daughter, Sarah
(not their real names). She had expected him to protect her from
relationships with boys who would use her or mistreat her. Unfortunately,
Pastor Jim had been too consumed with his ministry to notice a budding
relationship between a young man in the church youth group and Sarah.
Within a few weeks, Sarah's heart was captured by Steve's apparent
kindness and constant attention. After a youth meeting one evening, Sarah
came home crying uncontrollably. She had been crushed. Steve had used her
to make another girl jealous whom he really wanted to date.
As Sarah told her dad about what had occurred, his heart broke as
he realized he had failed his daughter. With tears of repentance Pastor
Jim confided to Sarah, "I need to ask your forgiveness. I was so
insensitive to you. I was too busy in ministry to realize your needs. I
didn't know what to do because I wasn't trained to be a dad. Forgive me
for letting you go out with that guy. It's my fault for letting you date
him. This makes me reevaluate my relationship with you and my
responsibility before God. Perhaps another purpose of this is to encourage
us to cry out to God together. Really, it's your relationship with God
that must be your protection. I cannot be your God. And I have failed you.
And this goes to prove one point, ultimately, any man you look to is going
to fail you–not because he wants or intends to fail you, but God won't
allow him to be your god upon whom you depend."
We may not like to admit it, but it's true. I'm not saying that
fathers can use this as an excuse to do terrible things to their daughters
so they can learn this lesson. Certainly not! However, due to our
fleshliness, immaturity, busyness, or our daughter's expectations, we may
hurt, disappoint, or fail them. When this occurs, daughters need to know
God is saying, "Come to Me."
The night Pastor Jim humbled himself, confessed his sin, and led
Sarah to God was life-changing for Sarah. After he left her room, she went
into her closet and cried out to God. God met her there! He used her
father's mistakes to reveal her need for a heavenly Father. It is probable
that if he hadn't led her to God, she would never have gone to Him that
evening. Instead she probably would have been angry with him, not
realizing that his failure was exactly what she needed to go to God.
Have you ever felt a need to give comfort or wisdom to your
daughter and didn't know what to do? Perhaps she came to you for an answer
to an important question about life direction and you didn't know what
decision to make. That happened to Mike. His daughter, Erin, needed him to
make a decision for her. He waited before the Lord for weeks, but didn't
hear anything. So when Erin pleaded with him one evening for an answer,
Mike felt like he was letting Erin down.
As Mike silently prayed, he thought he heard the heavenly
Father say, "Lead her to Me, right now. The reason I have not spoken to you
is that I want you to lead her to Me
so I can speak to her. She
doesn't need to hear from you;
she needs to hear from Me. She's
looking to you. You need to lead her to Me, and I'll speak." Then he
thought about God's sovereignty and His love for both of them. Could it be
God's will that he not be the source to Erin so she could have an
encounter with God so He would be her source?
So Mike followed what he heard. "Erin, I don't know, but I think we're
just going to have to tell this to God. Let's bow our heads together and
you pray. Tell God everything you're frustrated about, and I'll tell God
everything I'm frustrated about. Let's see what God has to say."
When they finished praying, Mike asked her if she heard anything. "Daddy,
I heard this: ‘My peace I give to you, not that which the world gives do
I give to you, but my peace I give to you.'"
It wasn't the answer to her
question, but it was what Erin needed at the time. She needed the peace
of Jesus Christ–to trust Him without
direction. Direction wasn't the most important thing she needed from her
father. What she needed most was for her father to lead her away from
himself to find the peace of God in an encounter with Him. As Mike led
Erin to their heavenly Father, she found security as a woman in her
relationship with God. When Erin gets married, she's going to know that
her husband can't be the source of her life. Her security, peace, comfort,
and wisdom come from her heavenly Father through Jesus Christ.
So godly womanhood may be affirmed as fathers admit their faults and
weaknesses and lead their daughters to find their identity and security in
a relationship with Jesus Christ. Have
any failures to use?
Perhaps this brings to mind your own failures or neglect of your
daughter. I encourage you to confess them to your daughter and lead her to
Jesus Christ.
This is important because you need to lead your daughter away from
yourself to find her identity in her relationship with God as a daughter
of God through Jesus Christ. We shouldn't be surprised if we struggle with
this needful exercise. We must seek to accomplish a balance in bonding and
separation with our daughters. Fathers must work at bonding with sons
because they're competing all the time. They compete for mom's attention
and comfort as well as for the last piece of chicken or cheesecake. But
with daughters and fathers it's different. The issue is separation because
fathers feel fulfilled in protecting their daughters and daughters desire
to be protected by their fathers. Daughters like those big, strong arms to
envelope them and protect them, and fathers like to provide it. It's easy
for fathers and daughters to bond.
However, there's a challenge with separating. While I would really
like to be "the one" for my daughter–the one with the answers, the
comfort, the man she can respect–I need to teach her that I can't be the
ultimate answerer, comforter, and source of honor.
An event in my relationship with my oldest daughter illustrates
this point. Due to our own inexperience and lack of wisdom, we allowed her
to do something that we later came to believe was not wise. However, once
we realized our mistake, it was too late. So we began to pray and ask God
what His purpose was in our mistake. How was it to be redeemed?
We decided the purpose was Abby's relationship with God and
separation from me. She learned to look to God to be her Father. I told
her that before she went, but didn't realize how important it was. She
learned to go to Him any time she felt needy, unprotected, and lonely. We
talked about how God would unite us across the miles–in prayer. God
confirmed this one night when Alma heard Abby's voice in a dream crying
for help. She woke me up, told me about her dream, and we prayed. That
morning we received a fax from her telling us about being overwhelmed with
fear. When she returned, her relationship with God as her Father had
deepened. Application
I hope this
has given you some more ideas about how to affirm godly womanhood for your
daughters. Here are a couple of ways you can apply what you've read. May
the Lord bless your efforts to lead your daughter to Jesus Christ. 1.
Think of
three ways you can model your relationship with Christ before your
daughters and take those steps this week. 2.
Ask your
daughter if there have been any mistakes or experiences she has had with
you that have been hurtful or disappointing. Then redeem them by humbling
yourself, asking forgiveness, and leading her to the heavenly Father to
receive the grace she needs to forgive you and the security she needs by
yielding herself to Him. Would
you like to be on the Elijah Ministries Prayer Team? The backbone of Elijah Ministries is the prayer team who
pray diligently for God to turn the hearts of men to Himself, their
wives, and their children. Before I leave to speak, I send out a prayer
team invitation to those who will intercede for God to work for His
glory in us as a team for the Kingdom. Not only is it a blessing to
those whom I speak and myself; but it is also a reminder to the team
about the direction of their own hearts. If you would like to enter into
the labor together with me, you may go to my website and click on "Prayer
Team".
If you haven't visited our website, www.spiritofelijah.com,
please stop by sometime. You'll find: * Resources to equip you and your family * Previous Chariot articles * Norm's speaking schedule *
Free MP3 downloads * Various pages translated and available in Spanish * An online store to purchase resources and make tax-free contributions by credit card Hide
God's Word in Your Heart Hiding God's Word in your heart and meditating on His Word will help make the Bible alive and relevant in your heart and in your children's hearts. An excellent resource to help you and your family memorize can be found at http://www.memorizehisword.com/.
The article above is a part of the Equipping Men series. The series is available on both audio cassette, CD, VHS and DVD. This and other resources, including all past issues of the Chariot, are available at http://www.spiritofelijah.com.
I invite you to be a part of the
moving of the Spirit of Elijah in your church, community, and the world.
How?
1.
Send this article to other men or families that you know would
benefit from it. You might inform them of the previous articles
available on-line at our website.
2.
Share resources from the Spirit of Elijah Ministries with others.
If Equipping Men or Rising to the
Call have been a blessing to you, then you know it will be
beneficial to others. Either share your resources, tell them about the
resources, or purchase a set or two as an investment in their lives. 3. Share with others what you have learned and put into practice in turning your heart to God, your wife, and your children. If God has done this in you, then He wants to affect others through you.
4.
Join the Elijah Ministries email prayer team and make
intercession for others that their hearts would be turned in revival to
the Lord, their wives, and their children. This can be done on-line at www.spiritofelijah.com.
Norm
Wakefield 04.07
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