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    We have started putting up short video clips from some of Norm's messages online at the links below. We will be posting new video clips from other messages every few weeks or so on a regular basis. Please pass these links on to whomever you think might be interested. Thank you!  

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Chariot September 2008 - Norm Wakefield  

The Spirit of Control - Part 3   

    I would like to introduce you to Erin�that's the name I've given her. Yes, she's a real person, however, she represents a lot of young people who either don't know how to be or are afraid to be real, authentic, and genuine. Erin felt great pressure to be "the perfect Christian girl." Throughout her teen years, she kept up the pretense because she didn't want to disappoint her parents, hurt their reputation, and because she didn't know what else to do. She could tell her parents emotionally and socially needed her to keep up the pretense, no matter what. Their reputation and ministry depended on her submission. As she got older, she developed a reputation as an exceptional young woman to whom others could look as an outstanding model of Christian commitment and character. Her parents accordingly became more popular as successful parents and thus were sought as teachers and counselors. But trouble was brewing inside Erin.

    Greater than the pressure from the outside to put on this facade of Christian character and commitment for her parents' sake was an inner pressure of a guilty conscience. As Erin got older she discovered that what people saw on the outside wasn't really because she loved God, had a relationship with Jesus Christ empowered by the Holy Spirit, and had true Christ-born character. She knew all her life amounted to self-effort, people-pleasing, and the ability to collect, rehearse, and repeat Bible facts.

    The internal reality eventually overcame the external. There came a point where Erin lost heart to keep trying and pretending. At the time of this writing, she's tired of trying to be "good". Tired of letting worry and fear control her actions. Tired of caring what people think about her lifestyle and theology. Erin's exhausted from trying to love God by the textbook. She's disillusioned, discouraged, guilty, unbelieving, and confused; but too tired of trying to do anything about it.

    Many of my readers can either relate to Erin or recognize her in one or more of their own children. She is a classic example of parents who tried to control their child's behavior by teaching and disciplining character alone without an understanding of God's purposes for sin, the Law, the cross, and the work of the Holy Spirit. Having said this, this question might come up.

Don't parents have to train their children to have character?

    Parents certainly bless their children by teaching them correct behavior and the importance of self-control and by disciplining selfish, destructive behavior when they are children. However, this kind of training is much like the Law was for Israel. The Law defines sin (Rom. 3:20), aggravates sin so its power may be exposed (Rom. 7:5), protects from the destruction of sin (Gal. 3:23), and reveals one's helplessness, powerlessness, and need of a Savior (Gal. 3:24). So we teach the Law, encourage right choices of character, and discipline our children in preparation for them to have a relationship with God through Christ.

    Don't miss what I'm saying. The end of this process isn't good children who please God by doing the right things and avoiding the wrong things so we will have a good reputation and blessed lives. The entire process is to reveal the grace of God in saving sinners by providing what they need to please God through His Son, Jesus Christ and the indwelling Holy Spirit. As the Law/character training/parental teaching have their effect upon the child, at some point, God will give them over to their sinful selves. When that happens, the worst thing a parent can do is try to control that outburst of sin with shame, rejection, and emotional manipulation. It's not a time to shore up the flesh, but a time to expose its powerlessness, pride, and hostility to the glory of God and the cross.

    When a child fails to perform, there is an opportunity to love and bless them in a new way by explaining that God, Himself, is now teaching them about the power of sin within them and the powerlessness of flesh to please God and find peace with Him. This is what Jesus meant when He said, "No one can come to me unless the Father who sent me draws him; it is written in the prophets, �And they shall be taught of God.' Everyone who has heard the Father and learned from Him comes to me" (John 6:44-45). We don't want our children reacting to our spirit of control, but interacting with God's Spirit at work within them!

    So parents, every time our children above the age of five or six (depending on their maturity) act in sinful, selfish ways, we want to be wary of the spirit of control which tries to manipulate them to do the right thing purely for the sake of self-benefit. The most important role of your ministry as a forerunner to Jesus Christ is to lead your children to relate to God through Jesus Christ, finding themselves and peace in Him alone. This means as they become aware of the presence of God, you'll want to relinquish control, allow them to make both right and wrong decisions, and lead them to encounter Christ in an atmosphere of love and acceptance. To do this, your emotional, spiritual, and security must also come from Jesus Christ, not them. Otherwise, if you put the focus on behavior instead of heart, you'll find your children reacting to the spirit of control with fleshly rebellion or fleshly righteousness.

The fruit of the spirit of control is flesh.

    Jesus told Nicodemus, "That which is born of flesh is flesh" (John 3:6) and the Apostle Paul wrote that the flesh is "hostile toward God" (Rom. 8:7). In the rest of this article, when I use the term flesh, I am referring to the same thing to which Jesus and Paul referred. I mean that which is motivated by the old Self�the natural man apart from the indwelling Holy Spirit and His work.

    Without realizing it, when parents teach their children to control themselves, they may lead them to believe children can please God by demonstrating good character. While teaching them their standards for righteousness and unrighteousness, they may use outward measures of control to "help" their children make the right decisions and avoid wrong decisions. They may reward them with things they know the children like and may also punish them in ways they know the Self in the child will want to avoid.

    Although this kind of parenting may be effective to control outward behavior, the problem is that it is theologically wrong, biblically ignorant, and emotionally and relationally destructive. If the method of control appeals to the Self (the flesh) of the child, then the fruit of the method will be flesh.

Controlling the flesh with flesh is theologically wrong.

    First, this kind of parenting is theologically wrong because it communicates the wrong ideas about God. The thinking behind such parenting is this: When I do good, God is pleased and blesses me. When I do bad, God isn't pleased and things go bad for me. There is a grain of truth in this idea, and it was how God related to the nation of Israel before Jesus came. However, this is a total contradiction to the gospel of grace revealed in Jesus Christ. We must ask ourselves if we want our children to live under a spirit of law or grace. It's a matter of what we emphasize and how we respond to their sin and failures.

    Christ revealed to us that God gives blessing to people who don't deserve it, can't earn it, and desperately need Him. It's the hopeless, helpless tax collector who went home justified, not the self-righteous pharisee (Luke 18:10-13). Jesus didn't come for those who are righteous, but for those who are sick and know their need of a savior (Matt. 9:12). The wealthy man (apparently blessed by God on earth) ended up in Hades while the poor man, Lazarus, found comfort in Abraham's bosom (Luke 16:19-31). The Pharisees erred theologically at this very point, and thus could not see that the humble, comely, persecuted, misunderstood carpenter from Nazareth was the Son of God! They considered Him "smitten of God and afflicted" (Is. 53:4) because bad things happened to Him.

    When parents only and repeatedly reward good behavior and only and repeatedly punish, shame, or reject their children for bad behavior they communicate wrong theology to their children. Without realizing it, they communicate that a person's standing with God is totally based upon the choices he or she makes. This is not the truth about God. The truth is: a person's standing with God is totally based upon His choice to be gracious, forgiving, and kind to one who deserves wrath. Fleshly "self-control" is still fleshly, and "by the works of the law shall no flesh be justified before God" (Rom. 3:20).

    My point is that Jesus taught that controlling the flesh with flesh still yields flesh fruit, and God does not reward the works of the flesh. When God authorizes well-being and trials in people's lives, they are being tested by God. During blessing do they give the glory to God and His grace or do they attribute the blessings to their own righteousness? During trials, do they draw near and hold fast to Christ, or do they complain and blame others? Also, God's purpose for the trial may be to demonstrate His power. God rewards those who diligently seek Him and His righteousness by giving them Himself and by meeting their basic needs (Matt. 6:33; Heb. 11:6).

Controlling the flesh with flesh is biblically wrong.

    The Bible is replete with verses condemning the fruit of the flesh. Here are a few passages that teach clearly that God isn't pleased with "flesh-control" and that the flesh cannot please God.

     For the mind set on the flesh is death�because the mind set on the flesh is hostile toward God; for it does not subject itself to the law of God, for it is not even able to do so, and those who are in the flesh cannot please God (Romans 8:6-8).

     Are you so foolish? Having begun by the Spirit, are you now being perfected by the flesh (Galatians 3:3)?

     For the flesh sets its desire against the Spirit, and the Spirit against the flesh (Gal. 5:17).

     For the one who sows to his own flesh will from the flesh reap corruption, but the one who sows to the Spirit will from the Spirit reap eternal life (Galatians 6:8).

    Parents, it is vital to teach our children that although the Self must be controlled, the only kind of self-control that is pleasing to God is that which is the fruit of the Spirit (Gal. 5:23). Such self-control can only come as a result of a Spirit-born relationship with Christ involving repentance of trusting in Self or the flesh and total dependence upon God's grace through Jesus Christ's righteousness. Children should hear this truth repeatedly from the time they are first being trained and disciplined. It is biblically wrong to teach your children that they can please God by controlling themselves for selfish reward or to avoid selfish displeasure. Furthermore, it is biblically wrong to teach your children that the character quality of self-control can be pleasing to God if it is not an expression of the work of the Holy Spirit. That's the danger of teaching character without Christ as the originator. The result is pride, self-righteousness, and pharisaism.

Controlling the flesh with flesh is emotionally destructive.

    How do parents make their children emotionally dependent upon them in an unhealthy way? When parents communicate that their pleasure, happiness, self-worth, reputations, and security are contingent upon their children doing as they want, they give inordinate emotional power to their children and also place an overwhelming burden on them. This is emotionally unhealthy, destructive, and additionally, is obviously self-centered.

    This kind of emotional slavery becomes a stumbling block for the child to discover the character and power of true sin, true guilt, and who they are in Christ. Furthermore, it is impossible for the parents to demonstrate security in Christ to their children. God intends both believing children and adults to find their total emotional needs met in their relationship with Him through Jesus Christ. The fruit of their lives then will be the fruit of the Holy Spirit, and not the flesh, for "that which is born of the Spirit is spirit" (John 3:6).

Jesus is our hope and security.

    The surest way you can avoid the spirit of control is to make sure your hope is entirely in Jesus' finished work on the cross and His present work running all things in your life. Demonstrate to your children that you believe they belong to Him and He is able to work in their hearts and lives. Lead them to find their hope and security in Christ by demonstrating it in your own life.  How do you do that? Don't react to your children, but instead respond to God as you teach and discipline them. Allow them to think and pray through decisions as they get older and make those decisions before God. If they make wrong choices (in your estimation), share your thoughts, and then allow them to live with their decisions embraced by your love and hope in Christ. Once they marry, release them totally to the Lord and learn how to walk beside them, not over them.

Church Retreats or Conferences...

Believers Only Complete in Christ - A Study of Colossians

    Norm presents five messages from the book of Colossians aimed toward giving your church or group God's vision for unity and fullness in Jesus Christ. In this series of messages, your church will be grounded in the hope of the gospel, the glory of Jesus Christ, the hopelessness of Self-living, and practical ways to be unified as the body of Jesus Christ. These messages will impact not only church relationships, but family and marriage relationships as well. The session titles are:

Session 1:  The Things Above

Session 2:  The Things on the Earth

Session 3:  The Believer's Mindset

Session 4:  The Believer's Exchanged Life

Session 5:  The Believer's Unity: The New Self

Men of Vision

    This men's weekend retreat series is design to do exactly what it says, equip men to be visionaries in their families, work, and church. Most men struggle with how to lead their families with vision either because they haven't seen it done, haven't been trained, or are afraid to lead because of fear of failure or conflict. Men will gain insight into how to lead their families with wisdom and vision.

Session 1:  Foundation: Vision Principles

Session 2:  Vision for God

Session 3:  Vision for Marriage

Session 4:  Vision for Children

Session 5:  Vision for Repentance

    Both of these series are designed to fit into a weekend retreat or conference beginning on Friday evening and concluding either Saturday evening or Sunday morning. Please share these opportunities with the person responsible for planning church or men's retreats and encourage them to contact: Norm Wakefield at info@spiritofelijah.com or by calling 830-980-5606.

Would you like to be on the Elijah Ministries Prayer Team?

    The backbone of Elijah Ministries is the prayer team who pray diligently for God to turn the hearts of men to Himself, their wives, and their children. Before I leave to speak, I send out a prayer team invitation to those who will intercede for God to work for His glory in us as a team for the Kingdom. Not only is it a blessing to those whom I speak and myself; but it is also a reminder to the team about the direction of their own hearts. If you would like to enter into the labor together with me, you may go to my website and click on "Prayer Team".

    Has Norm's Chariot or other resources been an encouragement to you? As a nonprofit organization, Elijah Ministries needs support from people like you in order to function. If God has ministered to you through Elijah Ministries and Norm Wakefield, would you consider supporting the work? You can do so here. (Elijah Ministries is a tax-deductible 501c3 and is financially accountable to an overseeing board of 8 non-paid members from around the country.)

    The Chariot is also available as a podcast. You can automatically receive the Chariot each month in iTunes by subscribing here. (An RSS capable browser such as Internet Explorer 7 or Safari is required.)

    If you haven't visited our website, www.spiritofelijah.com, please stop by sometime. You'll find:

*   Resources to equip you and your family

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I invite you to be a part of the moving of the Spirit of Elijah in your church, community, and the world. How?

1.  Send this article to other men or families that you know would benefit from it. You might inform them of the previous articles available on-line at our website.

2.  Share resources from the Spirit of Elijah Ministries with others. If Equipping Men or Rising to the Call have been a blessing to you, then you know it will be beneficial to others. Either share your resources, tell them about the resources, or purchase a set or two as an investment in their lives.

3.  Share with others what you have learned and put into practice in turning your heart to God, your wife, and your children. If God has done this in you, then He wants to affect others through you.

4.  Join the Elijah Ministries email prayer team and make intercession for others that their hearts would be turned in revival to the Lord, their wives, and their children. This can be done on-line at www.spiritofelijah.com. 

            Norm Wakefield
            Elijah Ministries
            P.O. Box 377
            Bulverde, Texas 78163
            830.980.5606
            info@spiritofelijah.com
            http://www.spiritofelijah.com

09.08

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