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Chariot December 2005 - Norm Wakefield

    For five articles, we have been considering identity principles–powerful principles about who we are and the impact of others in our lives. We've realized fathers are the most powerful influences in our lives other than Jesus Christ. This influence may be active or passive. Although a father has a profound affect on both sons and daughters, the next few articles are going to deal with fathers and their relationships with sons.

The Calling Out of Sons

    What can a father do to prepare his son to be a man of God, a man of character, a faithful husband, an effective father, and a responsible leader? He needs to call his son out of boyhood into manhood. It's what I will refer to as "the calling out of sons." Not many men in my generation were called out by their fathers. In fact, the majority of men who have attended retreats where I ask them to give the names of the previous generations of their fathers, usually can only go back to their grandfathers. Those men are cut off from the previous generations of men who impacted the men who shaped their lives. If we don't understand or know our fathers, we probably won't develop strong relationships with them and thus won't know how to develop strong relationships with our sons.

    The first time I heard about the calling out of sons was at a conference with Gordon Dalbey, author of the book, Healing the Masculine Soul. He told of an experience he had in Africa when he was working for the Peace Corps. One of his students asked him, "Mr. Dalbey, how do the fathers call out the sons in your village in America?" After telling the boy that fathers didn't call out sons in America, he asked the young man to tell him what happened in their village. He related the following example.

    The men of the village would assemble and go to the huts of the sons that were to be called out. Then, the leader of the community would knock on the door and say, "Come out, come out, son of my people,"–calling to the young man in the hut who lived with his mother there. Customarily, the mother would open the door, then slam the door and wail; because it meant that once the son walked out, she was not going to be able to speak to him for another year. Her role was finished. She had been the mom and now it was dad's time to provide the major influence. The leader of men would call out again, "Come out, son of my people" until the son came out of the house. Once the son stepped out of the house and life with mom and into the community of men, life was going to change drastically! The men would celebrate. Then the young man and the other young men also called out that year were taken into the bush country where they were taught their heritage–who their fathers were. They taught them what type of people they were to become, how to fast and control their bodies, how to fight, how to hunt, how to fish, how to farm, how to build a hut, and a number of other things important to being a man in the community. When the young men came back from their training, each became a man among the men of the community. They were no longer considered little boys. It was time to put away childish things and become a man. From that time forth, those young men were expected to take their place among the men.

  The Calling Out of Sons in Tanzania

    In Tanzania, I had two interpreters, David Tarus and Luke. David and Luke came from different tribes in Kenya. David was from the Mosai tribe. The Mosai people were herdsmen; the people of Luke's tribe were farmers. The enemies of herdsmen and the enemies of farmers are quite different. Therefore, the training of the sons by the fathers was quite different.

    I asked David one afternoon if there was anything his tribe did to call him out into manhood. He told me what happened to all young men in his tribe. During the teen years they became "runners." That meant the men or the elders of the tribe could call upon them at any point in time to run a message to the herd or to the herdsmen that were out in the bush country. You may know that the Kenyans have great long-distance runners. The reason for this is because those guys have been running for a long time and a long way! It is a part of their culture. If the herd is ten miles away and one of the elders sends one of the runners to take a message, then off he went! Any of the fathers (the men) could send a runner. David told me a boy couldn't say, "I don't feel like it, or I'm busy." You ran!

    When the young men became 18 they had their "calling out of the sons" for that tribe. Beginning with a public circumcision ceremony, after they healed, they would then be sent outside of their village to live for a year. David lived by himself, and was forbidden to speak to his mother or to any woman. The warriors of his village would come out and teach him and give him projects. They taught him how to fight, how to know all the traits and characteristics of the surrounding tribes–their enemies. They learned how to become spies and infiltrate another tribe. He was going to be a warrior. They were taught the history of their people and how they were to function in their community.

    The reason David's tribe did this, he told me, was this: "We value a pure bloodline." The tribe must have warriors, men who are strong and know how to detect their enemies, how to protect their "sisters." They called the young girls their sisters. If someone from another tribe were to come into their community, all the young men were watching them. They were going to protect their people.

    He told me about some of the things he had to do, one of which was to kill a lion (and not with a rifle!). They had to learn to stalk their enemies and kill them. At the end of his year of training, David was given a name–the name Tarus. Tarus in Swahili means "warrior". David always gave his name very proudly because it was his title of respect and honor.

    I asked David what he thought about Luke, who was four years older than David and whose tribe didn't call out their sons any longer. He said, "He is still a boy. In our minds he is still a boy. He has not been called out."

A Fatherless America

    It has been a long time since anything similar has happened here in the United States between fathers and sons. Very few of us had fathers who called us out and said, "This is what it is to be a man. This is what a man's role is. You must learn to serve. You must learn to have courage. You must learn to face the truth. You must learn to make hard decisions. You're going to have to deny yourself. You're going to have to learn how to control your body and your appetites. This is what a man must do. He is a protector, a provider, a self-sacrificing lover of his wife and children."

    Why has this important function of a father with his son been so scarce? Probably because fathers didn't have it done to them–for generations. It has been a long, long time since this has been done here in our country. That is not to say that our fathers didn't call us out to something, but they can't call us out to anything more than they are themselves. David Blankendorn, author of A Fatherless America, documents the terrific decline of our culture's understanding of what it is to be a father. Fathers of the early 19^th century were considered the hub of the home. Parenting books were addressed to the men. Now, fatherhood has shrunk to the role of "the nearby guy." According to Blankendorn, the only difference between a son with a father in the home and one whose father is absent is economic. When it comes to preparing for manhood, most fathers don't know what to do with their sons because little was done with them. So their sons turn out similar–called out by their culture because of an absent or passive dad.

How Did They Call Out the Sons in Your Village?

    May I suggest you take some family time to help your family get to know you as a son. It would be insightful for them to know what shaped your identity as a man. Here are some questions to answer and share with them.

1.      How did a typical 16 year-old young man in your school define manhood?

2.      Who were the most influential people who taught you what manhood was all about?

3.      When did you think you became a man?

4.      How do your answers to the questions above differ from your father's answers?

    I hope this serves as a catalyst to some serious discussion with your sons and daughters about manhood. By the way, this discussion will also give your wife insight into you as her husband! Next month, we'll continue to look at this topic of the calling out of sons by considering what happens if fathers don't call out their sons. You might get a head start and begin to compile a list of results from your experience and others whose fathers were unprepared to call out their sons and left it to the "village".

    Until then, have some fun with your sons and prepare the way to continue the calling out process. Build your relationship with him (or them) so his heart is prepared when you "call out" your son into manhood-God's way.

Upcoming:

Norm will be at a family camp at Camp Forest Springs. Openings  still available. Go to http://www.campforestsprings.org/familycamps.htm to see the openings and register.

Helpful Resources for Your Family 

    The Spirit and Presence of Christ: Wondrous Gifts for the Father's Pleasure  

    This book is an excellent resource for your family in thinking more about the Holy Spirit and the Holy Spirit's role in your life. The author is a very close friend of mine, Jerry White, who has been a spiritual mentor to me for many years. The book is available on our website here.

Would you like to be on the Elijah Ministries Prayer Team?

    The backbone of Elijah Ministries is the prayer team who pray diligently for God to turn the hearts of men to Himself, their wives, and their children. Before I leave to speak, I send out a prayer team invitation to those who will intercede for God to work for His glory in us as a team for the Kingdom. Not only is it a blessing to those whom I speak and myself; but it is also a reminder to the team about the direction of their own hearts. If you would like to enter into the labor together with me, you may go to my website and click on "Prayer Team".

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