Chariot of Fire 2004.08 - Seven Qualities of a Family Leader - Part 1

The basic truth is this: If a man doesn't have a clear conscience before God, his wife, and children, he is not prepared or free to lead in the church. This truth is implicit in the qualifications for an elder found in 1 Timothy 3: 4-5.

He must be one who manages his own household well, keeping his children under control with all dignity (but if a man does not know how to manage his own household, how will he take care of the church of God?).

The man who is equipped to love and lead his family is one who is able to prepare the next generation for the Lord and serve the body of Christ faithfully and confidently. Not that his confidence is in himself, but in the grace of God in and through him. Such a man as this is rare these days! The purpose of The Spirit of Elijah Ministries International is to be used of God to encourage and equip men to rise to God's call in their lives as the heads of their families for the glory of God.

The second letter of the apostle Paul to the Corinthians was written from the heart of a father. Paul considered himself a father to the Corinthians, and there are qualities in the apostle, I believe, are worthy of emulation. Men in Corinth were used of Satan to attack and discourage Paul in his leadership as an apostle. They found his human, fleshly flaws and were publicly exposing his weaknesses in an effort to render him ineffective as a leader. Because Paul's responses encourage me in the midst of my own battle, I thought they might be an encouragement also to you. In the next three months, we'll look at seven qualities of a family leader from the life of the apostle Paul. Here's the first one.

First Quality: He boasted in the Lord.

Paul's opponents judged according to the flesh. In other words, they evaluated the great apostle purely on the human, natural plain. Paul wrote,

I ask that when I am present I need not be bold with the confidence with which I propose to be courageous against some, who regard us as if we walked according to the flesh. For though we walk in the flesh, we do not war according to the flesh… You are looking at things as they are outwardly (2 Corinthians 10:2-3; 7).

Watch out for the trap!

Apparently, the people who regarded Paul according to the flesh were focused on his natural weaknesses in contrast to the fleshly strengths of others. They said, "His letters are weighty and strong, but his personal presence is unimpressive and his speech contemptible" (2 Corinthians 10:10). When we are criticized for outward deficiencies, if we're not careful, we'll fall into the trap of thinking our confidence in leadership must come from our abilities and outward strengths. Paul's opponents unwisely boasted in natural strengths and assumed foolishly that God only uses people who are impressive and articulate.

Do you ever feel powerless and immobilized because your wife or children criticize your weaknesses in the flesh? Perhaps the attack wells up within your mind without provocation simply when your wife and children don't respond as you wish. When this happens, you know you are in a war–not a war with the person, but in a spiritual war in the heavenlies! Be encouraged by Paul's response found in 2 Corinthians 10:17, "But he who boasts, let him boast in the Lord."

Paul clearly understood where his confidence lay: not in his natural strengths, but in the grace of God working within him. He wrote earlier in the letter,

Such confidence we have through Christ toward God. Not that we are adequate in ourselves to consider anything as coming from ourselves, but our adequacy is from God, who also made us adequate as servants of a new covenant, not of the letter but of the Spirit; for the letter kills, but the Spirit gives life (2 Corinthians 3:5-6).

To the Romans, Paul put it this way, "For through the grace given to me I say to everyone among you not to think more highly of himself than he ought to think; but to think so as to have sound judgment, as God has allotted to each a measure of faith… Since we have gifts that differ according to the grace given to us, each of us is to exercise them accordingly" (Romans 12:3, 6). What was the basis for Paul's thinking this way? Undoubtedly it came from his knowledge of the Scriptures. The prophet Jeremiah gave this word from the Lord.

Thus says the Lord, "Let not a wise man boast of his wisdom, and let not the mighty man boast of his might, let not a rich man boast of his riches; let him who boasts boast of this, that he understands and knows Me, that I am the Lord who exercises lovingkindness, justice, and righteousness on earth; for I delight in these things, "declares the Lord (Jeremiah 9:23-24).

As we will see, Paul did exactly that! He acknowledged his weaknesses and didn't defend himself on their criticism of his appearance and contemptible speech. His boast was in the Lord and his understanding and knowledge of the Lord, which came through God's grace. That's how we should respond when criticized by others for outward, natural weaknesses.

I'm not suggesting, of course, that we can use this as an excuse for sinful behavior. There's no glory to God when we are unloving or ignorant to say, "Well, praise the Lord! I only boast in the Lord, so isn't it good of the Lord to let me sin so my boast can only be in Him?" When our natural abilities aren't what we would like them to be or what others would like them to be, we must respond with firm confidence in God, knowing He delights to exercise lovingkindness (grace) on behalf of those who place their trust in Him.

Have you abdicated leadership or become passive because you didn't feel as gifted or capable as your wife? I know men who have nailed themselves to the wall (or allowed their wives and children to nail them to the wall!) because they thought they had to be articulate and impressive before they could lead. The enemy of your souls wants you passive, feeling inadequate, and paralyzed by your weaknesses. He'll do everything he can to focus your attention and judgment on outward things rather than God's grace through Jesus Christ living in you.

Let's not war in the flesh! What do you say to these things? How can we teach our children to trust in the Lord and boast in the Lord? By demonstrating confidence in God's grace to us in spite of our weaknesses and inabilities. Humble is the man who begins the family devotions with an acknowledgement of his weaknesses, but a confidence in God's presence and grace in his life. God will be faithful to do what He has called you to do: rise to the call to be the spiritual leader in your family. This first quality of leadership, boasting in the Lord, is essential and foundational to all of the qualities of a leader.

Here are some suggestions for helping you grow in this quality and for teaching it to your family.

1. Lead your family in looking at the passages about boasting in the Lord.

2. Memorize either Jeremiah 9:23-24 or 1 Corinthians 1:30-31 or 2 Corinthians 3:5-6.

3. Have each member of your family make a list of the weaknesses of your flesh (not sins, but natural weaknesses) and acknowledge that by God's grace, He can still use you as you rise to the call of God in your lives.

4. Worship the Lord together as a family giving thanks for God's grace to people who have natural flaws and weaknesses.

5. Think about people you have criticized because you didn't like something about them or were not impressed with their abilities. Make a list of them and ask the Lord's forgiveness for "regarding them according to the flesh" instead of expecting God to bless you through their weaknesses by giving both you and them grace. If you have openly criticized a brother or sister, I encourage you to go to them and ask their forgiveness for looking at things outwardly instead of loving them and looking to the Lord (the same as boasting in the Lord).