Seven Qualities of a Family Leader: Part 2

The man who is equipped to love and lead his family is one who is able to prepare the next generation for the Lord and serve the body of Christ faithfully and confidently. His confidence is not in himself, but in the grace of God in and through him. Such a man as this is rare these days! The purpose of The Spirit of Elijah Ministries, International is to be used of God to encourage and equip men to rise to God's call in their lives as the heads of their families for the glory of God. The focus of the Chariot article for a few months is seven qualities of leadership exemplified by the apostle Paul.

The second letter of the apostle Paul to the Corinthians was written from the heart of a father. Paul considered himself a father to the Corinthians, and there are qualities in the apostle, I believe, that are worthy of emulation. Certain men in Corinth were used of Satan to attack and discourage Paul in his leadership as an apostle. They found his human, fleshly flaws and publicly exposed his weaknesses in an effort to render him ineffective as a leader. Because Paul's responses encourage me in the midst of my own battle, they might be an encouragement also to you. Last month we saw the first quality of a leader: a leader boasts in the Lord rather than his own abilities. This month, I want to encourage you with three more of the seven qualities of a family leader from the life of the apostle Paul. Here's the second characteristic found in the apostle Paul.

Second Quality: Maintains simple and pure devotion to Christ.

But I am afraid, lest as the serpent deceived Eve by his craftiness, your minds should be led astray from the simplicity and purity of devotion to Christ (2 Corinthians 11:3).

The Westminster Shorter Catechism affirms this great truth: God made us for Himself. Our hearts weren't made to be complex and have affections for many things. In fact, we function best when we live simply and focused on Jesus Christ in whom our lives are hidden. A.W. Tozer wrote, "There is within the human heart a tough fibrous root of fallen life whose nature is to possess, always to possess. It covets 'things' with a deep and fierce passion. Things have become necessary to us, a development never originally intended" (THE PURSUIT OF GOD, p. 22). The church has often dealt with and will continue to confront this problem of straying from simple, pure devotion to Christ.

The apostle was concerned his "children" were being led astray by those who were advocating standards of living and ministry which were more focused on a fleshly standard than spiritual life. The man of God, if he is to be an effective leader, must keep his focus on Jesus as the center of life. Busy schedules, career ambitions, and the competing desires of the flesh may so crowd our lives that the words simple and purity of devotion may rarely describe our relationship with Jesus Christ. Maintaining simple, pure devotion to Christ must be intentional.

Keeping our relationship with Jesus simple by not complicating it withstandards of outward appearance and man-pleasing performance requires determination and constant caution. Jesus warned of this when he criticized the Pharisees living for the praise of men rather than the praise of God. Tozer advised the way of simplicity if we're to find God amid all the religious externals. "We must put away all effort to impress and come with the guileless candor of children" (p. 18). Paul's opponents accentuated the outward attributes rather than the inner devotion of the heart. Men who are determined to be spiritual leaders may be encouraged to realize they don't have to be impressive or "cool" to lead their families.

If we're not careful, we parents may communicate to our children andothers that outward appearance and impressions are more important than true, simple inward devotion to Jesus Christ. The man who is a true spiritual father and leader sets the priorities through his example and through his message. May I encourage you to take a look at your life message and that of your family? Let's do all we can to maintain a simple, pure devotion to Jesus Christ.

Second Quality: Knows God and His Word

But even if I am unskilled in speech, yet I am not so in knowledge; in fact, in every way we have made this evident to you in all things (2 Corinthians 11:6).

Have you ever been plagued with the thought you can't be the spiritual leader of your family because you are not as gifted at speaking as the pastor or some other leader in your church? I imagine most men have been criticized by others when it comes to leadership. The apostle Paul was also. Here's what his opponents were saying about him.

For they say, "His letters are weighty and strong, but his personal presence is unimpressive and his speech contemptible" (2 Corinthians 10:10).

The apostle may not have been very good at oral communication skills; however, he was not deficient in his knowledge of God and His Word. There is a powerful difference between knowing God intimately and knowing facts about God. The man who has a simple, pure devotion to Christ is the man through whom the presence of Jesus Christ may be manifested.

Oswald Chambers expressed the impact on those around him of a man who has spent time worshipping Jesus Christ. "Worshipping God is the great essential of fitness. If you have not been worshipping...when you get into work you will not only be useless yourself, but a tremendous hindrance to those who are associated with you" (How to Worship Jesus Christ, Joseph Carroll, p. 9). The great aim of the apostle Paul's life was to know Jesus Christ (Philippians. 3). This heart to heart knowledge of God and the Lord Jesus was the authority of his ministry. A tremendous knowledge of the Word of God is also evident in all of his letters.

Although many men lack the verbal skills of speech equal to the abilities of their pastors, they may take courage from the apostle's life. He didn't let his fleshly weakness hinder his spiritual leadership. In fact, because he boasted in the Lord-looked to God for his adequacy-he actually boasted in his weaknesses! This encourages us to press on to know the Lord, know His Word, and lead our families in the truth. If we boast in the Lord, maintain a simple, pure devotion to Christ, we will grow in our knowledge of Him and discover we have what we need to lead our families for the glory of God.

Fourth Quality: An intense concern for those under his care

Apart from such external things, there is the daily pressure upon me of concern for all the churches. Who is weak without my being weak? Who is led into sin without my intense concern (2 Corinthians 11:28-29)?

I spent many years learning and practicing the exploitation of the weaknesses of others. Anyone in competitive sports knows what I'm talking about. In football, if we discovered a weakness in a defensive cornerback, we aimed to make his life miserable! In tennis, I wasn't particularly bothered when I repeatedly took advantage of an opponent's weak backhand or lack of speed on a serve. However, such a life pattern did not serve me well as a husband and father. When it comes to spiritual leadership, if one is to emulate Jesus Christ, he responds to the weaknesses of others with compassion and concern.

I was struck with Paul's questions in the verse above. How about you? "Who is weak without my being weak?" How do you respond to your wife when her weaknesses show? How do you respond when someone points out your own weaknesses? How good it is of the Holy Spirit to place this verse in the Bible so we might know how to care for others. Most men wouldn't do this naturally nor learn it from our secular culture. Our minds and practices need renewing when it comes to caring for others.

Everyone under our care has weaknesses just like we do! How do we wish to be treated when we fail to initiate family devotions because we're tired or forget to pick up something at the store for our wives? We usually want our wives and children to cut us a little slack, don't we? We'd like to hear our wives encourage us with, "That's okay, honey. I know you didn't mean to do it. I forget things too."

As spiritual leaders we set the tone in our families for how to respond to weakness. This verse tells us how to act when someone we care for is weak: we're to be weak with that one. It doesn't mean we make the same mistake along with them, or if our child goofs something up, we do the same in order to make them feel good. I think it means we all have our weaknesses and when someone else's weaknesses are showing, we have compassion. We encourage them to look to the Lord Jesus instead of responding with proud anger over poor performance. Accepting our weaknesses with contentment is vital to growing spiritually.

God didn't intend us to be adequate in ourselves. He wants to display His power in our weaknesses. When someone is weak and another brother in Christ compassionately comes alongside to help or encourage, the Lord is glorified, relationships are strengthened, and the flame of hope is fannedin the heart of the one who serves. Paul was weak with those who were weak. Let's take that quality to heart.

His second question convicts me. "Who is led into sin without my intense concern?" Do you know when your wife or children are being led into sin? Are you the type of dad who can tell when your child is troubled? Is there concern in your heart when your wife is being tempted to be angry with you or to gossip about a sister in Christ?

This quality obviously requires a heart for others. The self-absorbed man will find it impossible to be intensely concerned for those under his care. From where did this intense concern in the apostle come? I believe it came from the previous two qualities. Because he maintained a simple, pure devotion to Christ and knew Him intimately, he grew to have the same kind of heart for others as the Lord Jesus. The Holy Spirit, given by the Father and the Son, reveals the heart of God as a Father. Aren't you glad He is concerned for you when you are weak and when you are led into sin?

This intense concern for the weak and tempted may be clearly seen in our God. The writer of Hebrews revealed Jesus' example of this quality when He took on the form of a man and suffered temptation and trials as we have. He is acquainted with grief. We read, "He can deal gently with the ignorant and misguided, since He [Jesus] Himself also is beset with weakness" (Hebrews 5:2). We're told He makes a way for you to escape (1 Corinthians 10:13). He comforts you in any conflict (2 Corinthians 1:3-4). There's no condemnation (Romans 8:1-2). As we experience such love and care from our heavenly Father; it should pass on through us to others (1 John 4:11).

Some practical helps exist for detecting when others are weak or being led into sin. First, learn to watch the eyes. The eye is the lamp of the body, a window into the soul. In our culture, if your children won't look you in the eyes, perhaps something is going on they are afraid to tell you or for you to discover. (This may also be a sign you haven't been weak with them in their weakness). The countenance often reveals inner turmoil. Second, take note of their attitudes. Usually when we don't feel good about ourselves, we get short, critical of others, and testy. If your children or wife had a hard day at home or school, you may detect the fallout heading your way. It's not a time for self-defense, but a time to be weak with them or express concern for what they have experienced. Third, when you think someone is struggling, think first about your own weaknesses and temptations and Jesus' way of dealing with you. Then let His compassion be your guide in your care for your wife, children, and brothers and sisters in Christ.

Remember these four qualities of leadership exemplified by the apostle Paul.

He boasts in the Lord.

He maintains simple and pure devotion to Christ.

He knows God and His Word.

He has intense concern for those under his care.

Impacting a Nation - The Spirit of Elijah in Mexico

November 1, I'll be speaking at a regional church men's meeting in Nava, Mexico. Micah, my son, has been working in this area for four years with Only a Servant Ministries. On his most recent trips, he has been giving out Equipando Hombres tape series to men he has met in the Nava area. We would like to give a tape series to the men who come to the men's meeting in November. If you have been impacted by the Equipping Men series and would like to help bring those truths to the men of Mexico, please consider financially supporting the Equipando Hombres project. A gift of $100 will provide 13 men with the 12 CD Equipando Hombres series. There is a great need in Mexico for the men to be equipped to be better husbands and fathers. Pray for God to use Equipando Hombres to open men's hearts for His glory to impact the nation of Mexico for generations. Thank you!

The article above is a part of the message, Seven Qualities of a Family Leader in the RISING TO THE CALL series. The series is available on both audio cassette, CD and DVD. If you have enjoyed the Equipping Men Series, you'll also enjoy this sequel of twelve practical life-changing messages. This and other resources, including all past issues of the Chariot, are available at http://www.spiritofelijah.com.