Chariot December 2004 - Norm Wakefield

The Family Scout - Part 2

Last month we began a three part series on parents as the family scouts. The first part focused on being parents with a vision for their children: We want them to be men and women who are mighty in spirit, equipped to love and serve, and skilled for the glory of God. This is, of course, a long process. It's the goal of our parenting. The question before us this month is: How do we reach the goal? What course do the scouts take to insure a safe arrival at the desired destination?
The Course
A friend of mine, Doug Phillips of Vision Forum, makes this statement: "If you don't know where you are going, any ole' train will get you there." If you don't have a vision for your family, then whatever happens is fine. However, if you hope your children become adults who are mighty in spirit, equipped to love and serve, and skilled for the glory of God, you'll have to get on the right train. A course must be followed if your family wagon train is to arrive at its intended destination.
Stay on the Path of God's Word
Your own personal lives and the lives of your family must be filled with God's Word - it is from the Holy Spirit. If you and your children are to be mighty in Spirit, you must be filled with the mind of the Spirit. Memorized and familiar scriptures will become a base of operations for the Spirit when God so chooses to give spiritual life.
During my early teens, before I was born again by God's Spirit, I participated in "Sword Drill" in Texas. I memorized dozens of verses and was able to find them quickly. Each verse was like a piece of dynamite ready to be ignited when the Holy Spirit came into my life. I'm very grateful for that discipline which yielded spiritual fruit. Having a daily diet of "M & M's", (memorization and meditation on God's Word) fills the library of the mind with tools the Holy Spirit can use to bring about new birth, teaching, correction, reproof, and instruction in righteousness (2 Tim. 3:16).
Fathers have a clear mandate from Deuteronomy 6:7-9 to love God's Word and relate everything in life to it. They are to teach their children daily how God's Word is to shape their thinking and actions. When one does that, wisdom and understanding are being displayed, leading your children to mind the things of the Spirit of God. A child who is trained by God's Word and is able to discern truth and error will become an adult who is mighty in Spirit.
The testimonies, precepts, and commandments in God's Word are a rich source for spiritual growth in our children.
The law of the LORD is perfect, restoring the soul; the testimony of the LORD is sure, making wise the simple. The precepts of the LORD are right, rejoicing the heart; the commandment of the LORD is pure, enlightening the eyes. The fear of the LORD is clean, enduring forever; the judgments of the LORD are true; they are righteous altogether. They are more desirable than gold, yes, than much fine gold; sweeter also than honey and the drippings of the honeycomb. Moreover, by them Your servant is warned; in keeping them there is great reward. (Psalm 1:7-11)
We can't put too much scripture into the minds of our children and young adults. If they aren't born again, they may not be excited rightly or motivated at all to memorize scripture or enjoy meditating on it. I think it is wise to tell them it is okay that they aren't thrilled about the discipline. However, we want to be sure to give them the hope for why we are leading them down this path. The Holy Spirit cannot take something which isn't in the mind and make it alive. Our responsibility is to teach and they are to store those teachings in their minds so that when the Holy Spirit is given to them, He'll have a landing pad. We're preparing the way of the Lord! So stay on the path of God's Word and the children are on their way to becoming mighty in spirit.
Value the Relationships at Home
In our culture, children and young people are lured away from family relationships. The consequences are tragic. Parents should communicate to their children when they are young that the family relationships are God-given to prepare them for life.
For instance, a boy practices treating his future wife with love and honoras he loves and honors his mother and sisters. Recently, my son's wife, Holly, remarked about the blessing she has received by having a husband who understood how to love a woman through his previous relationships with his mother and sisters. Fathers, from the time your son is able to see and hear, you are teaching him the value of those nearest and dearest relationships.
I can't say enough about how important a son's relationship is with his father. If his heart is open and turned to his father, his heart will be open to God, the Father. If it is closed to his father and turned to his peers to the neglect and dishonor of his father, his heart will not be prepared for the Lord. The Father/Son relationship is to teach the son the value and honor of being a son. This sets the course for his understanding of the glory and wonderful blessing of having a Heavenly Father and being His Son through faith in Jesus Christ.
How a girl relates to her father determines more likely than not how she'll relate to her future husband. A godly father is a gift from God to give her practice making another man successful, developing loyalty and honor for a name other than herself, and learning to submit herself to her father as unto the Lord. These qualities are the responsibilities of wives according to the Scriptures (Proverbs 31, Ephesians 5, Titus 2, and 1 Timothy 2). As a daughter learns to value her father's protection, name, and love, she sets herself on a course to love and serve for the glory of God. A teenage girl needs to recognize that her relationship with her father, next to the Lord, is her most important relationship in life until he gives her to the man of his approval to be his wife.
What I'm about to say may be a new thought to some, but love for others and wisdom motivates it. Youth don't need practice socializing with peers until they know how to love and serve in the relationships at home. That's the value of family relationships. If one is to be equipped to love and serve others, he or she must value those relationships at home which test the ability to love and live for others.
The world's idea of socialization has lead the church and many homeschoolers down the wrong course for youth. If you put a group of young people or children together who are self-serving and unable to love, they'll destroy each other as they seek to be entertained and use each other up for their own purposes. If they practice relating to others selfishly throughout their teens, we should not be surprised if their marriages fall apart in the future.
If they are selfish and use others for their own good at home, they'll do the same elsewhere. Knowing this about your teen, is it a loving thing to others to turn him or her loose on so-called friends or the children of your brothers and sisters in Christ? Furthermore, if they can't detect others who are self-serving, they are more vulnerable to fall into bad company as they seek the approval of others who also live to satisfy selfish appetites of youth. If you love your child, you won't allow him to go out unprepared for life. If your children have learned to be thoughtful of others, respectful, and kind at home, then they have earned the right to build external relationships.
Parents, brothers, and sisters are God's provision for practicing loving and serving for adulthood relationships. I used to tell my children they had better learn how to love each other because they probably would either marry or have a child of similar temperament and personality! If we want them to reach the destination of being equipped to love and serve for the glory of God when they are adults, they need to value every family relationship.
I encourage you to teach your children to value family relationships - lead them to work out bitterness and get clear consciences with each other. Of course, it almost goes without saying that we scouts should and must lead by example. Are you on this course? Are you growing in love and service to each other and your family? If you would like further encouragement and could use an effective tool, I invite you to  get and read my book, Equipped to Love, or listen to the message in the Equipping Men Series (either on DVD, VHS, CD or cassette tape). God has been gracious to use it to transform many marriages and family relationships. Visit our website for more information.
Be Disciplined in the Basics and Develop Natural Abilities
If our vision for our children is for them to be skilled for the glory of God, then the course requires diligent training. I'm grateful to my parents for training me in my early years of life to honor, obey, exercise self-control, be responsible, and value the reward of hard work. Those basic skills paved the way for learning and faithfulness later in life. I encourage you to consider every basic educational skill such as mathematics, writing, spelling, foreign languages, reading, critical thinking, research, and communication skills to be tools which someday will enable them to walk through an open door of opportunity with confidence.
Many parents tend to lead their children only into areas they like or their children are naturally gifted. Although this is fine, we found great benefit in exposing our children to opportunities to learn skills they didn't enjoy or weren't drawn to naturally. I benefited greatly from projects and responsibilities my parents made me do as a teen. So when it came time for me to prepared my son, Micah, I chose similar projects for him to learn some important skills. Micah struggled with a year-long project of remodeling a barn into a house. He's naturally gifted mentally, and at that point in his life (age 15) would rather figure out how to have someone else do the hard hands-on labor than learn how to frame, do electrical work, insulate, hang doors and drywall, etc. Eventually he learned all those skills and informed me at the end of the project that he was sure he would not seek a career in any area of construction.
However, God has a way of using every skill and ability learned in earlieryears, doesn't He? Micah was born again within a year after we moved to Texas. Almost immediately the Lord gave him a heart for missions to Mexico. He began learning Spanish more diligently (a course he had taken without much excitement when he was fourteen). God opened the door for him to participate in a ministry almost every month led by the Kennedy family here in the San Antonio area.
Only A Servant Ministries takes groups to Mexico to build houses for poor people and then to share the gospel with them and with the children and youth of the colonia. Within months, Micah was a foreman leading teams to build houses! Five years later, he continues serving with that ministry, but he's also married to Holly, one of the Kennedy daughters! Had he not been skilled in that for which he previously had little excitement, he could not have walked through that door of opportunity. So, look for opportunities to learn various craft skills and get a broad range of experiences from which to draw in the future.
You might also try different things to discover natural abilities which will be of benefit to the glory of God. If you don't have a particular skill, get your children around those who do have a skill you think might be useful. We are grateful to others who taught our children skills we didn't have. In the process, we became more skilled as we learned from them!
Just a small point aside. I want to caution you in leading your children to be primarily skilled in sports. Sports are good for learning some character qualities and developing certain disciplines that will be helpful in life. However, most parents neglect training their children in important life skills because limited time or energy is left after the daily sports schedules or practices.
I played football and tennis at the college level. In fact, sports were my idol and consumed most of my waking thought and activity during my preparation years. I estimate I spent approximately 3284 hours (137 complete days) learning to run with a football, tackle, read offenses, and intercept passes. I do not use those skills now and haven't for years. The observation skills, getting along with a group, leadership skills, and bodily discipline have been a blessing, however, those skills may also be learned in activities with more lasting value. Although I was an All-American defensive back, was invited to try out with the Dallas Cowboys, and coached football, tennis, and basketball, I wasn't prepared for marriage and family. I had not valued family relationships nor taken time to learn the most important skills in life - how to love and lead a family for the glory of God.
It's the Direction That Counts
Don't get discouraged with evaluating each day in detail, but press on inthis direction. Stay on the path of God's Word, value family relationships, and be disciplined in the basics while developing natural abilities. This training will take you where you want to go. Do you need to make some course adjustments? If so, confess to your children where you've gone off track, ask their forgiveness, show them the hope of the new course and vision. God will be faithful to prepare your children and bless all of you in the journey.
New Resources for Your Family
This month we have a special for those interested in the Equipping Men and Unshakable Faith video series. 23 total videos for only $75! Savings of $65! For those of you with the Equipping Men series, we now have a study guide available on our website to go along with the series. Also, there is a new CD series for parents and teens, Teenagers 101, with a study guide available as well. All the messages in this series are available individually on CD and include:
*   Run to Win
*   Rethink the Way You Live
*   Preparing Your Teens for Life
*   I'm Old Enough to Make My Own Decisions, Part 1 and 2
*   Preparing for Christ-Centered Relationships
*   What About College?
*   What's a Mom to Do With Teenage Sons?
*   Passing on the Blessings
Would you like to be on the Elijah Ministries Prayer Team?
The backbone of Elijah Ministries is the prayer team who pray diligently for God to turn the hearts of men to Himself, their wives, and their children. Before I leave to speak, I send out a prayer team invitation to those who will intercede for God to work for His glory in us as a team for the Kingdom. Not only is it a blessing to those whom I speak and myself; but it is also a reminder to the team about the direction of their own hearts. If you would like to enter into the labor together with me, you may go to my website and click on "Prayer Team".
If you haven't visited our website, www.spiritofelijah.com, please stop by sometime. You'll find:
*   Resources to equip you and your family
*   Previous Chariot articles
*   My speaking schedule
*   Free MP3 downloads
*   Various pages translated and available in Spanish
*   An online store to purchase resources and make tax-free contributions by credit card
The article above is a part of the RISING TO THE CALL series. The series is available on both audio cassette, CD and DVD. If you have enjoyed the Equipping Men Series, you'll also enjoy this sequel of twelve practical life-changing messages. This and other resources, including all past issues of the Chariot, are available at http://www.spiritofelijah.com.
I invite you to be a part of the moving of the Spirit of Elijah in your church, community, and the world. How?
1.  Send this article to other men or families that you know would benefit from it. You might inform them of the previous articles available on-line at our website.
2.  Share resources from the Spirit of Elijah Ministries with others. If Equipping Men or Rising to the Call have been a blessing to you, then you know it will be beneficial to others. Either share your resources, tell them about the resources, or purchase a set or two as an investment in their lives.
3.  Share with others what you have learned and put into practice in turning your heart to God, your wife, and your children. If God has done this in you, then He wants to affect others through you.
4.  Join the Elijah Ministries email prayer team and make intercession for others that their hearts would be turned in revival to the Lord, their wives, and their children. This can be done on-line at www.spiritofelijah.com.
5.  As God provides financially and moves your heart to contribute to Elijah Ministries, you help provide for this ministry to give away resources to single mothers and needy families, produce more resources to equip men and their families, and provide for the on-going needs of the ministry. You may make contributions by check through the mail or on the website.